and so i sit on the threshold of another new year. i've given up on resolutions yonkers ago, because i am too cynical and realistic in knowing that they hardly ever get carried out anyway.
as parents it would seem that we're getting forgetful as so many of us gave the same presents to our kids again this year. i laughed at my best friend who gave the same exact bag to a friend's daughter. last year she gave the same set of paints to ryan for his birthday and christmas. only to have her daughter say that i gave her a comb, though all different versions, three years in a row. another friend gave ryan the same phone holder, but in a different colour.
i totally had no inspiration what to buy for my other half. some friends said they don't even bother anymore, as you're supposed to be able to show affection any time of the year. not just at christmas. the trouble is we all get caught up in the daily frenzy of doing 101 things that sometimes we don't even have time for a decent conversation. much less buy a present. or have a date night. a German friend asked why this is so typical of Asian couples. that we lead such busy lives that we neglect each other. and then we ask, what went wrong.
for one of the first times in my life, i am almost relieved that my favourite time of the year is over. the christmas magic that i so bank on every year to envelop the season somehow didn't quite happen. no fairy dust to make it all better and the hurt of the year go away.
before you know it, like all parents on this side of the globe, one is overwhelmed by other mundane concerns, like getting the new tuition classes in order, school buses running, music classes going, and what have you. we've decided to walk on the wild side and let lamlet no. 1 walk to school. which is only 10 minutes away. my colleague struck such fear in my heart when he said there was a 'parang' (long knife) wiedling gang going around extorting money. and that in 10 minutes, a lot of things can happen.
i used to walk to school, in fact, everywhere else, when i was a teenager. but there is so much fear and trepidation these days over the safety of our children, that i worry if this independence is the right thing to do. perhaps it would be wiser to just spend that money on bus fare and let him be brave in other ways. in fact, considering the amount of money spent on tuition and school transportation, it may make more sense to send him to a private school, given the sad state of education in our secondary schools.
in the new year, two of the lamlets will be facing important exams at the end of the year. they get stressed, parents get stressed too.
christmas was subdued, unconsciously in rememberance of those who are gone. we're not supposed to celebrate the chinese new year, for even if as christians we pay no heed to silly beliefs, many of these are entrenched culturally so forbid it that we should visit others during the auspicious season and 'bring bad luck to others'.
a good friend remarked that it was not necessarily a bad thing that mum and FIL no longer are with us as they both lived well over the age of 80. and the many, many friends who passed, had fought long tiring battles with the big C before calling it a day. but some were taken away without warning. and ultimately, the heart never gets used to saying goodbye. and some farewells are harder to say than others.
losing a good maid was a learning experience as i now know i can survive without one after all, albeit not willingly so, but i am not crippled. God was gracious in providing a new one at all, as many i know can't even get their hands on good help even if they were willing to pay. the present one, as a friend puts it, is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she'll do. as long as i don't have to worry about it.
in a morbid sense, perhaps the many low days i had served a positive purpose, as i finally lost the extra weight which i had been lugging around but couldn't shed. i fail to see though how falling and almost wrecking my knee had been a good experience, as now it still aches and i still can't run. and the many times i fell and am still nursing a sprained ankle. well, scratch that out. put that down to being clumsy. not to mention a persistent UTI that refuses to go away for the last three months now and will be carried into the new year. hopefully the culture will reveal the right antibiotic to knock it out of my system once and for all.
the new year will also spell a visit to the ENT, as the hearing in my right ear has deteriorated and i hear crackling sounds, signalling perhaps a need to finally mend the hole in my ear drum. if the solution be that simple. failing which, they say hearing aids these days are quite advanced. perhaps it was a blessing that in my younger days i learnt sign language and it's time i brush it up. i wish i felt as upbeat as i sound.
in the big picture, the political scenario has been angry and disturbing, with racism and dissatisfaction and frustration fueled by poor govening. the economic landscape is dismal as is our education system which swings back and forth over dual language choices.
the whole year passed in a flurry, as always, though it had been more of a storm cloud that left much damage in its trail.
someone said that if indeed the world ends next december, it would seem silly to try so hard. but we never know, do we, and so we continue to strife in the hopes of something wonderful to happen.
given the many upheavals of the year that was, surely next year can only bring change and hope, and a renewal of spirit.
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